is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
