They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
