i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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