WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
