you're like a bully in the Christmas story
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize