so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
