im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
