I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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