Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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