Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
