Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
