my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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