Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
