there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
