Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm both gender and math confused
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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