the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
