How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
