sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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