Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
