I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His hands were made for my vagina.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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