it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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