there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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