Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
