i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
