He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
