i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
