Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
