I'm jealous of your bromance
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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