my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Who died my cat blue again?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
