Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
