I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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