i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
