you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
