why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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