My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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