I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
