so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
