you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
