Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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