The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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