Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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