So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
