when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
