I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
