At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
