I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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