He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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