but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
