He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize