The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
