3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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