I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
