I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I supernannyed him into submission
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