Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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