You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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