yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
