remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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