Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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