I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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