i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
