I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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