We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
