He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
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we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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