I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
