what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize