just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
