"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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